Anxiety gets better and worse

making progress in some ways

Created: 2026-02-09

Last Edited: 2026-02-09

i think my social anxiety has gotten both better and worse over the past few years. i can hold conversations, kind of. at least i'm not too scared to respond to low-stakes social interactions. and when i get to talking to someone else it's easy for me now. and i don't feel a sense of doom when starting a conversation with someone else anymore. just a little spike of anxiety but i can control it. that isn't to say that i don't feel scared and awkward. i still do. and people pick up on it i think... but i am trying to ignore that and just keep moving forward. on the other hand my greatest social fears are more external now i guess. all the external relationships i have are shallow. my standards are too high. for the most part i've given up on having meaningful external relationships. i imagine they would be nice to have. but in reality i know that anyone knowing me that well would be terrible.

anyhow, i'm mostly trying to build up my social skills just enough so that i can work a job. just something i have to do to get what i want in the end.

unrelated but i've finished the draft for the book finally! it took so many years to make something so short though...